A letter to Anthony Bahor

If you are going to trash talk me in public I must tell my story:

Once upon a time I wrote a piece called

Dear Diary. It was a mere 3mos ago.  It was written with heart and passion.  And it still stands true.  

I made the mistake of getting involved with you again for a brief period, even after I knew who you were, against all my better judgment.

Maybe it was hope of a fresh start, maybe it was your beautiful little girl who I had grown close to and loved for over a year of her life. 

How could I not bond with her when she lived with me for six months.  Her band-aids and stickers still stuck on my bathroom walls and bed frame.  

She sees me at the pool with pure sincerity and love. She says my name and points. It breaks my heart to not be able to hug or care for her in any respect.  I made sure she knew I still loved her, her young heart oblivious to why I am no longer in her life.  

That unspeakable bond, you had once cherished, between her and I, is your last ditched effort to destroy all that

is good. You pull her away, as if I'm a crack whore standing on a street corner.  

Who does that to a defenseless 3 year old?  It became clear to me, you have zero respect for your own daughter's feelings.  How very sad for her sweet spirit.  

You tell anyone who will listen what a terrible person I am, deflecting your own self hate.  Some may listen, others who know me, will know better. Your cruel words empty.  

You see, if you google your name, it is out there.  The times when you attacked me.  You hurt me emotionally and physically.  Your weakness showed the first day you twisted my arm at Disney, with our children as witnesses.  You threatened to leave me and my boys in Disney and ultimately held us hostage at Epcot.  Do you remember refusing to take us home as we argued non-stop? My 8yr old will never forget that day.  Disney has an entire new meaning for him now.  That day is crystal clear in his impressionable mind.  

Or how about the 2nd time, when you threw full water bottles at me, in my home, as I tried to avoid your unprovoked rage from my balcony.  As I gathered my things, to leave my own home, you pushed me into my dresser, causing everything on top of it to fall.  Of course, your version, is that I "fell" into the dresser.  Who lies like that? 

The cause of your outbursts are still unknown.  Most likely the continued drug and alcohol abuse which you so desperately try to hide under the pretense of being the perfect dad.  The truth will surface, using your daughter as pawn will most certainly come back to harm you as she gets older.  

Let's not forget the 3rd and most treacherous time, when you body slammed me over the bed, hurting my back and punching me continously until I escaped.  You continued to verbally harass me for hours, breaking into my room,  destroying my shower head, as I showered. I was fearful and I should have called the police that evening, but I waited a few days to file the report.  Waiting was my biggest mistake.  

I speak the truth.  You know only lies. 

The physical and mental abuse was not the worse part.  The excessive cheating was the icing on the already shitty man cake.  Girl after girl.  While on vacation, for my birthday week, messenging girls and sending selfies while in our luxury Costa Rica hotel suite, bragging about your whereabouts. 

I could write an entire book on the distasteful lies wrapped around your cheating and deception, but it is simply not worth my time. 

You have never been loyal. Not to anyone. I can not explain why I tolerated and endured the lies and emotional games for so long.  It was pure manipulation on so many fronts. 

Then, I think about your daughter and she was a huge part of why I stayed.  She is pure love.  I tell myself, it was worth it, if only for her.  

Maybe a part of me thought if I loved both of you enough something would change.

Now all that is left is a volatile place of hate and destruction, the truth being clear.  

The last straw was not giving me my stuff back after I stayed at your home for over a week in Quarantine.  You locked me out, my children in the car, your daughter watching with wide eyes from inside.  You, ultimately, threw my things out from under the garage door, damaging my things.  Again, the police needed to get involved and you deny the truth on the turn of events.  

Why are you always so angry?  Why is there always conflict?  I realized something was very wrong that day, more so then any other day.  

I walked away that morning stronger, knowing you were unstable and would never have a healthy, normal life.  This would be the last time I exposed my boys to your irrate, unpredictable behavior.  

I had intentional distanced my boys from you when you picked your dog up by the throat and strangled her, after she snapped at your daughter. The sight of you potentially killing your dog in mid air, was too much for my children to endure.  We left bewildered.  Do you recall this evening? The same evening you freaked out in BJs over hot sauce?  It was truly the perfect storm.  

My boys emotional health and well being are most important. They know how women should be treated and spoken to, to them, you are a monster of destruction. They saw so with their own eyes. 

I needed to ensure they were no longer exposed to you and it was long over due.  I felt I had already failed them for not ending things sooner.

It was too much and it was enough.

As life goes on, the wounds heal, perspective becomes clearer, life goes back to normal.   

I will secretly send my love to your little girl and pray for her well being.  I will maintain a positive outlook moving forward.  You can no longer hurt me or my children.  You have no more power over my family.  The depth of your lies will be exposed.  

This email you sent me last week is proof of your demented state of mind.

This ego email is laced with lies.  

As my words flow, entangled with therapeutic release, I will post this with no fear of your retaliation.  Although consequences are always a possibility, considering your instability is unpredictable.  

I know many women are coping with abuse.  Some have children with their abuser.  I personally am lucky that I could walk away free.  Although sharing a comminutiy pool is not ideal, it is better than sharing a child.

If I can help one person by sharing my story it will be worth it.

Warning:  If you have been hurt or wronged by this person, feel free to contact me at 386 690 8686.  He also has an STD he refuses to admit to and numerous women have reached out to me about this.  

It is hard.  It is sad.  It changes a person.  I am a strong, intelligent, capable woman who simply got involved with the wrong person.  I didn't know who he was in the beginning.  I didn't know how bad things would get.  By the time I understood, I was invested and it was harder to walk away.  When you're in the middle of it, it is difficult to cut ties.  

To all women and even men, stuck in an abusive relationship, find the courage within to walk away.  You may try many times, but never give up on a better life.  You can and will have that. 

I am so much lighter and happy these days.  After being beat down in so many respects, my spirit simply rose and came alive with new found energy.  When life brings struggles, the new life is much sweeter.

Never give up on finding that new life.  I promise it will be worth it in the end.  Stay strong and be true to your truth.  

Follow up Here:  A Letter To Anonymous