The Other Husband

It was a perfectly normal, happy Monday morning, turned crazy with the text of a friend.

Her heart and intent were all warm and giving.  The result was a spatter of assumptions and emotions that blew the day up.

My dear friend shared pertinent information about the divorce filing status of the woman my soon to be ex-husband was now dating, and the time lines simply did not add up.  How could two people file for divorce within a week of one another and instantly begin dating? 

Something is suspicious, I stopped dead in my tracks in a mist of my world confusion and despair, instantly I thought the worse.

My instinct was to pick up the phone and call my ex - I of course didn't get a hold of him.  My thoughts churned and whirled creating stories and images that may or may not have been true.  But, for the time being the movie inside my head was real and wild with deception.
 
How long has this relationship gone on?  How long had he been contemplating divorce while dating or talking to this person?  As difficult as the transition of divorce can be, I had a handle on the separation, but I was unprepared for this.

I had gone over this multiple times with my ex, as I knew they had lunch a few weeks prior.  (Lunch the day after we filed)  Nothing gets passed my woman's intuition. I was aware he was dating, however, this piece of information seemed too unreal.  Why and what is truly going on?  I needed answers, and I needed them now!

I picked up my phone, and as emotional as I was, I typed a straight forward message to this woman's estranged husband.  He would give me answers or at least help me find out the truth. This made sense to me, as my emotions spiraled in a tornado, engulfing my heart and taking over all my senses.   

It was risky, but I was a scorned woman on a mission.  I wrote something like this: "Our spouses are cheating and filed for divorce within a week of one another."  That is the short version.  But basically, I made the accusation and I was hoping he'd put a stop to whatever this was.  Maybe they'd quit this ridiculous charade thinking they are in love and come to their senses.  Maybe I just wanted it all to go away. (again these were thoughts I formulated in my mind, I could never prove if they were true).

I was 100% sure this woman stole my husband.  She batted her long lashes and made her way straight into his pants. (assumptions - all assumptions)  How dare she talk to a married man, my own married man.  And why should I have to cope with divorce and his new romantic interest?  It was unfair and evil.  My boys and I do not deserve that heartache.  It is too soon.  I had not even moved from my home and yet the dating and the secrets began.

It's cold, it's cruel, it's mean.  It's changes everything!!

I left work and went home to confront my ex and watch his face and examine his expressions.  I wanted to see his reaction when I asked him about this timeline.  He was perplexed, what did I possibly know that would upset me so much. I was visibly shaken to the bone.  I was frantic and not in my right state of mind.

The what, who, when details reiterate again.  I thought I was okay with all of this, but yet, it's like we are starting all over again.  I needed to know, was there infidelity, was there more to this casual dating than he was leading me to believe?  Ironically, my time at home prevents them from going to lunch.  A small battle won, in a war I was apparently losing.

My day of being the crazy ex wife caused the husband to be newly informed, it caused many off color thoughts and I realized this day that this divorce was going to be more than black and white, more than shut and dry.  It would not be easy.  At least not for me. 

I still think this is a mid-life crisis just waiting to bust at the seams.  This new person means nothing in the whole scheme of things.  Rebounds never work out.  This isn't love, this isn't happiness.  This is two people filling a lonely void and it will be doomed due to the lack of foresight on what truly matters. 

The "other husband" did text with me for a little while until he spoke to his ex wife and they sorted out their stuff.  I pondered if this was too much for even her to bare, a man with 5 kids, 2 ex wives, one who puts all her shit out there and won't give up without the truth.  I am relentless and I am bold.  

If this woman could just disappear, my new divided divorce life would get a lot easier.  Being divorced is not so bad, it's the new love interest that shits all over it.  

Do your ex a favor, don't date the same week you file for divorce.  It's creates all sorts of questions that never quite get answered very well.  

No one believes it was just a coincidence. 

And as I review this very candid, extremely revealing post, I trust you will continue on this journey with me.  I admit this was a low point, but very relevant in the process of self discovery and healing.   And I do not blame and I am not upset today.  But, anger did shine it's evil head on this day and it will all come to a head next week......   and under no circumstances do I hold ill will towards my ex.  We still get along and have a good relationship with care and respect. This blog is only my perceptions on this day.  My own truth of how I felt.  It is all relevant on my journey of healing.