Emails

An email from my ex two years prior to our divorce during a period of struggle:

LeeAnn,

Over the last three weeks I have search to learn the difference between caring, feelings of want and lust, and unconditional love. 

I came across this today and wanted to share.  When I say to you "I love you" -- I am truly saying "I love you unconditionally."  Love can be built on phileo (friendship) or eros (sexual attraction) - however agape love (unconditional) is the strongest foundation.  

I know the last several weeks have been hard, been good, been uncertain, and we both continue our commitment to our marriage and each other.  My feelings for you grow deeper each day as we walk together and I understand to give is not to expect.  My commitment to you, to us, to our marriage, and to our family is stronger than ever.  I will miss being near you when I leave Friday, but I trust the connection that holds us to each other.  

My rambling might make sense in the context below as I searched to learn more about unconditional love and becoming a stronger, better husband to walk hand in hand with you through the rest of our life.

If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.”  His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment.  That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed.  In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

One of many emails I found from two years prior to my divorce.  We were having a tremendous amount of struggles at the time.  But, we were able to stick it out for two more years.  Love is all about perspective.  People fall in and out of love every day. 

 The only true test of love is time.