Midlife Crisis 101

Midlife crisis

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle aged individuals. It is a psychological and behavioral observation that commonly occurs with individuals between the ages 45–64.^[1][2][3][4] Its observations differ in a diverse manner for each individual. While some individuals may experience feelings of depression, remorse, and anxiety, others may experience feelings such as the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or atmosphere.

I always liked to think my ex was going through a Midlife Crisis.  He would say:

"Absolutelty Not, No Way!"

He had a lot of major life changes leading up and during our divorce.  Law School Graduation, his daughter's high school graduation, our youngest son's pre school graduation.  A younger woman was paying attention to him at the gym.  And of course, he was turning 50 very soon. A perfect recipe for a change in life circumstances.  

Some may think I am reaching with my mid-life crisis diagnosis.  Maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

However, right after our divorce he purchased a motorcycle.  That was my a-ha moment.

I wrote this particular entry after I have already moved on and healed from my Unconventional Divorce.  I reflect as during the divorce, I needed answers.  At that time, I wanted my divorce to be about something other than me.  Something other than my failures as a wife.  My failures in yet another relationship I could not make whole.

I had the title of this blog, "Midlife Crisis 101" sitting on a blank page for quite sometime, not really knowing what to write.  I sat on it, until today and began typing my thoughts, feeling very differently about what I initially thought I'd be communicating to the world.

I truly think I learned a valuable lesson from my divorce, no matter what the reason for my divorce, no matter where we choose to place blame, I know in my heart, I will always be a better person for the next person who chooses to love me and who I choose to love back.

One of the best things about divorce is you can always bet there'll be something or someone better to discover on the other side. This is how the universe is set up to work.   Trust the process and allow that change to transform your heart and soul into someone better for someone better.

Midlife Crisis lesson or not, I believe it made both of us better people to realize our marriage was no longer serving either one of us.  It was a no longer a safe haven for either of us to co-exisit and grow as individuals.

When this is clear and something, even a "so called Midlife Crisis," forces one person to make those hard decsions to move forward with their life, it is always for the best, even if only in hindsight.  

Find your center, find the goodness in each day, stay connected to friends and family and never take anything for granted. It gets easier and life changes for the better.  

An Unconventional Divorce, regardless of the whys, is one of postive transition towards a better place for all involved.