Blending Families

Meeting the kids.  When is it too soon to introduce the new girlfriend, "Friend" and her family to the kids?  

1 month after splitting? 2 months after filing? 6 months after we are all settled into our new lives?

What is the magic number?

In my new reality the magic numbers are: 

87 days after the first email requesting a divorce (April 4)

59 days after filing for a divorce.  (May 2) 

14 days, exactly 2 weeks, after the divorce was finalized.  (June 16th)

I vocalized my position.  "It is too soon.  The boys are still healing." However, it went on deaf ears.  He does what he chooses and there is not one thing I can do to control that.  As if I don't know my own children's wants and needs.  My  boys are strong, but if I am still processing this new reality, they are too of course.

Anyone I talked to, agreed, it is too soon.  The kids are still healing.  I am sure I am not imagining my concerns, pulling them out of thin are.  They ARE still healing. 

Transitioning from one home to another each week is still rough for my boys.  I can sense and feel it within.  I can see it in their behavior the first day the boys are back home with me

When they are with me I know they are safe and emotionally cared for.  I know they are emotionally secure.  I don't know how they feel when they are without their mom at dad's house, but I know for sure when they are with me, all is good in their world.  I feel I'm in control.

When they are with their Dad, life is one way and with mom life is different.  I only know what I see when they are with me.  That is relief that they have their mother.  A mother's love is unique and nurturing with intuition.  It's not better than a father's love, it is just different. We are tuned in to our child's emotional needs, while dad is a haven of security. 

 

I am told my concerns are not real, as if I am making them up in my head.  Is it only my imagination?  My boys are wonderful and strong, but their lives were turned upside down.  

I must protect my children and nurture them on their journey, as the impact of divorce can be significant on their growth as human beings. 

We must always be mindful of our children's well being.

Current Time Update:  When I wrote these words months ago, they were strong with emotion. They still hold very true.  I have learned, sharing the same perspective with an ex can be extremely trying at times.  Often times, a battle can not be won.  This is a battle I had lost.  Looking back, although it hurt, and I felt defeated, my boys transitioned naturally as expected.  It took me more time to get use to my boys being blended with an entire new family. 

To date I have not meet my ex husband's girlfriend.  Yet, she is a significant part of my children's life.