The First Holidays (Post Divorce)

The First Holidays After Divorce can be ROUGH.

I had a level of dread thinking about purchasing and putting up a brand new Christmas Tree.  I was not feeling good about having Thanksgiving without the kids.  And my heart panged thinking about waking up with just myself and the kids on Christmas morning.

Can I really do this?  How can I make these feelings shift into something safe?  How do I find a way to be okay about all of this?

Thanksgiving Day

I had struggled thinking about Thanksgiving Day without my boys.  But, I got through it.  It did NOT kill me, and in the end, it was one of the best Thanksgivings I had with friends who were amazing!! They shared their home with the most delicious food I have ever eaten on Thanksgiving Day.  We all agreed it was such a wonderful evening.  

It is hard to explain how we find ourselves in just the right place at just the right time.  I had no idea where I would be that night, but I was right where I was suppose to be.  Enjoying Thanksgiving with those who truly make a positive impact in my life.  

My oldest son, called and checked in, on Thanksgiving Day.  He said he missed me and wanted to know what I was doing.  My boys were a tad sad not having their mom with them, but they managed through Thanksgiving well.  I did not make a big deal about not being with them.  My oldest had actually invited me to his house with his Dad, siblings and dad's new girlfriend.  I politely declined, but knew it came with sincerity in his heart.  He wanted me there and I knew it.

The Christmas Tree

Once the Christmas tree went up, I decided it looked great, it was festive and happy.  Although, the thoughts around putting our first Christmas tree up and the emotions surrounding it, being a single mom with her boys, was a hard pill to swallow.  I struggled with these feelings of being alone, just the boys and I.

It makes no sense, since we are not alone.  

We have each other.  And that perspective is so very important to embrace.  

We must, must find that peace of mind and enjoy that time we have as a family. Today,  I look at our tree with love and happiness and I know the boys are loving every last bit of having our condo decorated for the holiday, right down to the lights on our balcony.

Christmas Day

I stopped and wondered, how will this all go down?  I want to make sure Christmas, the first one, post divorce with the boys is worthy.  They need awesome fun presents, and happy Christmas music and lots of laughter.  And, oh my god, how am I going to pull this off effectively??  My brain is overwhelmed.*

And than instinctively and intuitively, I know I will find the right gifts by accident, the stockings will have the coolest things ever inside, and I won't miss a beat.  Things always unfold as they should.  I'm not stressed, and I do not think, there is any aspect of sadness to our broken family. 

It is 100% okay to feel these sad emotions, but be honest with yourself, this sadness is a temporary blip, not one to dwell on and define your new reality.  This sadness must be acknowledge, and then pushed out to the Universe.  Yes, be sad, but do not wallow in this sadness, find the good.  

There is always good to harness in all situations.  

The first Christmas will become one of the best memories the kids will have. Make these memories beautiful.  One day the children will be grown and we will never get these precious moments back again. 

There is no redo on how we handle the post divorce years, we must find a way to remain up beat and positive.  Find that joy!

In the End

Are my kids adjusting well. Yes.  

Are they happy?  Yes.  

Do they think it's sad.  Absolutely NOT.  

Is it a change? Yes.  It is all a positive change. 

They will get use to having two Christmas.  Something any child would be excited about.

*As I edit this piece the night before Christmas Eve, I truly out did myself.  Even with the last minute shopping for my youngest, I realized I have many more gifts than I originally anticipated. The stockings will overflow with all things my boys do not need, but will love.   (Except maybe the glow in the dark socks they totally need socks)  

I have a very good feeling, Christmas morning will be filled with happiness and joy.  What more can a mom ask for?  I have no worries, no sadness and no concerns on the life long memories we will  be creating this Christmas Day. 

And let's not forget our Elf: