Betrayal

Read Olive Branch First

Sometimes the one thing that you want to see happen, happens, but than you feel horrible about it.  You should be relieved and elated, instead you have this deep sadness within. 

From the beginning, I had always wanted to be open and honest about what we were doing.  'Tell her, she knows.  Deep down, she already knows!!"  I know what it feels like, a woman always knows when her man is with someone else.  However, I respected his wishes and never said a word.  Not until our loyalty was severed.

I am not responsible for the turn of events, but my actions caused a ripple effect in two peoples lives, potentially changing the course of their future.

The cause and effect of a bad situation, which only grew worse once I was involved.   

There was no turning back the clock.

I was still in love with him when I told her the truth. I pushed him as far away as I possible that evening, my words lashing out, yet, I am unsure what overcame me.  They say there is a fine line between love and hate and I was teetering a fine line that evening. 

I betrayed him for the purpose of making things right.
My inner voice always told me she needed to know. 

I would want to know.
In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do.   

  I believed he would never forgive me and there was no coming back from that.

When we hurt the ones we love, we do not usually do so with intent.  The hurt is usually an unanticipated by product of our actions or words.

In order for me to make this right, I knew it would hurt the person I cared deeply for. This was an extremely difficult choice to make and one I did not take lightly.  It came with much thought and understanding of consequences than most would have realized. 

The truth is, the entire conversation with her felt natural at the time.  I intuitively knew I was in the exact right place saying and doing exactly what I needed to do.  I had to admit my own wrongs and give her the respect she deserved, regardless of her role in her own marriage.  I have no regrets, however I did question my emotional integrity.*

And in the days that followed I was overcome with anxiety.   I checked in with friends, "Did I do the right thing?"  I was emotionally upset, yet my moral compass and inner voice said, "Yes, Yes, this was meant to be."  

She and I agreed we were relieved.

The secrets were no more.

The truth had set us all free.

I am not sorry for what I did or how I felt, however, I do feel sorry for the fact that we all had a role in hurting one another.
The three of us were all culpable and victimized.  

We were all responsible.

Listen to your inner voice.

Listen to your heart.

Listen to your souls desires.

Your path will unfold before you.

And as I reflect:
 My words freed his spirit.

His chains of repression had dissipated.


Listen to: A Lesson Learned

*Emotional integrity is the courage to acknowledge one's true feelings, wants and desires without judging them with the societal lens. In essence, it is about being 100% honest with oneself.