A Girls Got Needs!

If you read my post from last weekend, you understand, I'm 40 and totally primed. And for some reason, my hormones have become a joke among my friends. They have been known to make decisions for me over this last year.

"Screw it!" my hormones tell me, what the hell, life is short and sometimes you just have to take a chance.  For better or for worse.

So, I did the one person I said I would never do.

Sometimes a girls got needs.  Sometimes, a girl goes against her better judgment and makes a quick decision. Sometimes the turn of events makes her wonder what all the fuss was about. 

And I will admit, I was less impressed with this person's bedroom skills and more impressed with the vulnerable side he showed once he was alone with me.

The side he doesn't want anyone to see.  The side he pretends does not exist, so he hides behind flirty attention from so many females who only see a good looking guy. 

He draws in the wrong type of women and is left feeling alone and defeated when one night stands and complicated relationships don't work out.  That's only my perspective as an outsider looking in.

He wants to be loved by the right person, but something holds him back, preventing him from opening up. It is Intimacy 101.  

When there's intimacy the chemistry intensifies.  

I'd described him as somewhat of a lost soul, just waiting to find his way.  The best way.

For a single, hot, hormonal minute, I took a moment and thought what if we tried to turn meaningless sex into something more.  What if we actually gave a shit and cared, cared enough to be together.

I thought this, because there was a sweetness to him deep down, a good, decent, caring person. I'd go as far and say he had lovable attributes, but that love would come conditionally.  

He and I always had an unspoken chemistry, our personalities boldly aligned.  There was potential and I saw a project.  And I love a good project, I love a perfectly broken man.  

But could it actually work?  Fundamentally, the answer had always been a "No." It was always a "Hard No" with this person.  I've known him too long and I could never take him seriously.  He and I were always cool and I didn't want to screw it up.  We have history.

Sex always changes a relationship once you muddy the waters. That's the problem when you cross the line with someone you already know.  It changes the way you see the person and you can never take it back. 

And now every time I see this person, it's a bit different, there is a shift.  I now know what he looks like naked. I find this highly amusing. 

I also find it amusing that this person took for granted my need to write about all the hilarious and bizarre things that occur in my life.  He fits the bill because he is such a good character.  He makes a good story.  

It in no way means I do not care, I care enough to keep this as "PG" as possible.

Unfortunately, as I said earlier, I was less impressed with his bedroom "skills"  for such a good looking, sociable guy, who 'seemly' gets any girl he chooses, I was expecting more.  I really thought he would be damn hot in every respect.

I have been involved with many players (ex-husband excluded) and all were relentless in the bedroom.  I'd describe them as Triumphant Navigators. 

I really wanted to give him a second go around, only to see if sober he'd last longer and actually know the difference between a real and faked orgasm. (I lied, I said cam)

This guy was a one hit wonder, but like I said he had potential on multiple fronts.  He could have been a really good FWB, too bad he never "showed up" to the party.

In the meantime, I'll send out a few good vibes and hope he doesn't read my blog.  Sorry buddy, I couldn't resist. 😘