Love Or Respect

Putting the cart before the horse.  

What comes first, Love or Respect?  

When one is missing the other fades away.

Love is not sustainable without Respect.

Respect is not sustainable without a level of care which ultimately equates to love.

When one person falls out of love, the respect is usually, always, already gone.

When respect is gone, the love soon falls away.

Why is this the case?

Think about your prior relationships. When did you begin to respect that person and when did you fall in love?

There is a book on this subject. In summary, it states that women desire love and men desire respect.  With love women will respect.  With respect men will love.  

Is this why men and women communicate so differently in relationships? Both yearning for the love or respect that they desire?

I personally feel, I fall in love first and then grow to respect the person.  Right or wrong this is how I operate.  Possibly because this is what I desire.

 

Once I lose respect for someone, over time, due to how the person acts or treats me, I slowly fall out of love.  This could take months or years, but it seems to be a pattern for me in my love history.

I am capable of giving sincerely, with all of my heart, but will often feel disappointment if I perceive the relationship is not balanced.  This is something I am working on, as we can never make someone else understand our deepest thoughts or desires.  Communication is vital in any partnership.

I have childhood dilemmas that tend to surface in my relationships.  Abandonment issues woven with a few other insecurities.  For the most part, I have overcome these.  Although, they do creep up on certain occasions.

What most of us take for granted, it that our partners have had their own journeys and emotional conflict that changes their perspectives on how they enter into relationships and how they treat the person they are with.

We all have baggage, how we carry that baggage makes all the difference. 

If we maintain our love and our respect for the other person, regardless of how they process life, the relationship has potential to succeed indefinitely.

I recently met an intriguing soul.  He caught and kept my attention.  He also taught me a valuable lesson.  

In a very short amount of time we grew close.  After a brief two months it felt as if we'd known one another for a very long time.  

The comfort level was fast and furious.

I really have a hard time understanding how this happened, yet it did.  For whatever reason we were drawn to one another.

The attraction between us was instant on multiple levels.

I believe, there was a level of care and respect that formed simultaneously between the two of us.  He maintained who he was.  I was unsure what I needed or wanted, in the beginning, but figured things out. This person surprised me, he caught me off guard.

My insecurities over recent prior dating experiences allowed my trust to waiver.  I'm not a jealous person, however, for whatever reason I found myself in a jealous state. 

I had doubts, because there was no way this person could be legit, these guys are never legit.

My doubts crippled this short lived relationship. 

Was my jealously due to how I felt about this person or how my recent past had shaped me?

My most recent life experiences had illustrated it is hard for most men to commit when women are at their disposal.  Loyalty in my opinion has become a thing of the past and commitment is a dirty word.

I believe I'm ready to trust someone again, but I need to own my actions and my own thoughts.

This person taught me to not allow my past to overshadow my present.  We all deserve the benefit of the doubt, until proven guilty.  He is worth taking a chance on because he never waivered on his truth, despite my assumptions.

My respect for him has grown stronger.  

That for me is pivotal. 

Maybe the secret to a strong relationship is to build respect first and allow the love to blanket over that in waves slowly.  I can see this forming a stronger foundation and ultimately allowing for a healthier relationship.  

Maybe it's time to try something new.