Balance

Finding Balance in our lives is crucial to growth and being healthy. 

We all have things that make us happy in life. 

Friends, money, food, shopping, exercise, sex, drinking, recreational drugs.  

There is always something to make us believe we are doing okay. 

But are we, ever, really okay??

Does complacency set in?  

Do we get bored and restless?

When there is balance in our lives, we are relaxed, happy and the universe is free from disorder.  We are cleansed of negativity and impure thoughts.

When our intent and our actions are aligned, we are free from uncertainty and feeling unsettled.  

We are balanced.

A healthy balance in life is not hard to maintain.

However, it must be mastered.

  It took me years to figure this out.

I use to believe my ultimate goal was to get married, have a few kids and live happily ever after.  

This is the story we are told as kids. (At least in my Italian, Catholic, upbringing)

I realized quickly, this is not reality. This is a a fairy tale, one few people experience.  

Many may stay married, but are not happy.

  

Only a few will find that tender loving care for decades.  

This is beautiful and worthy, 

but often not the tale for most people.

Some may think they have found their forever, and then get divorced, multiple times.  Others simple move from one poor relationship to the next, constantly seeking something that does not exist.

Why do we tell ourselves these lies, that there is one perfect person for us.  One special soul to complete us. 

It is a fallacy as we need to be complete first.  We need to find balance first.  We need to be certain of who we are and what we want and need before we can truly love another living soul.

 

I have a friend who felt there was something missing from his relationship.  He cared for his girlfriend, however he was not in love with her.  He ultimately broke it off.  He felt he needed to do more for himself, before he could sincerely give of himself.

This happens quite often.  When a relationship shifts or changes dynamics, it is usually because one person is feeling incomplete, unsettled or off balance.  Something is missing.

I forsee, prior to these relationships, someone was not completely fulfilled.  They entered the relationship hoping that person would complete them.  This is always a recipe for disaster.  No one person can complete another.  

No one person can bring the other true happiness.  They must already be happy and fulfilled and balanced before they enter into a partnership.

I believe I did this.  My marriage was always doomed to fail, as I too thought getting married was the means to the end.  I ultimately was left feeling unfulfilled.

I had repeated this pattern prior to my marriage as well.  Something always felt incomplete.  I was not truly ever fulfilled.  

I enter into relationships very differently now.  I have had time to know who I am, what I want and my expectations are entirely different.

I do not need that person to make me happy.  I call it United Independence.  No more losing myself to that person. (We all know couples like this.)

I give selflessly, I share freely, I express my feelings honestly.  I have minimal anticipation for the future as I cherish the now. 

I care deeper.  I work to understand harder.  I even argue differently.  My mindset is very different now.  I think this is because I'm happy with myself.  I'm already fulfilled, therefore I can give without giving myself away. 

The balance is there.  How I found this, I can not pin point the moment in time.  It just happened.  My mind calmed and my anticipation for the future was soothed. 

I have this knowing within of what's to come, without fear of the unknown.  The answers are always there.  I'm unsure why or how this balance comes, but with it brings 'peace'.  

Look for the balance.  Ask for it.  Seek it out. It will come, and once it comes, it will stay.