Hey Jealously

Gin Blossoms, 'Hey Jealously.'

I love that song.  It's just fun. 

But jealous, the state  of mind, isn't fun.

I have never been jealous -  EVER!  

I don't think I ever cared enough.  

I cared, just not enough.

But, when you care enough to be jealous, in a relationship, any relationship, romantic or friendship, there is a something more to it. That care gets pushed to unintended levels.

  

Envy is different version of jealously, compared to not trusting your relationship.

Wanting what someone else 'has' or 'is' vs not wanting to lose them to someone else, are different aspects of jealousy.

My focus for today's blog is the fear of losing your relationship to someone else, friendship or romantic.

I recently felt this kind of jealousy.  

It was a totally new feeling for me.  

I hit rock bottom and realized it was all internalized and the jealously was a total waste of my mental energy. It is a fabricated emotion.

Although, I understood this. I needed to dig deeper and understand why I felt the way I did.

It's important to recognize triggers and the sensitive feelings that make us feel jealous.  

Why do we make up stories in our head?  

Why do we conquer up demons of mistrust?

The thoughts are unpredictable, unproductive and uncaring, yet we allow them to take over.

I very recently had to make a choice. If I wanted to be my best self, I needed to churn those unhealthy thoughts into a more productive state of mind and ask myself why?

Brand new emotions are raw and dangerous and they make us think and do things we would never do.

First I identified my triggers.

Next I stopped to understand why these triggers made me feel vulnerable.

Finally, I released them to the universe and let them go.  I told myself this is not helping me or the person I was targeting with jealousy, therefore, I needed to change my thought process immediately. 

Otherwise, 

I would create a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

I think therefore I am.

After some difficult reflection, I wrote this blog, processed and released it all. 

 I transformed my thought process.

I changed my whys and finally felt better, relaxed and content. 

Anyone who has been jealous, understands the difficulty behind these thoughts. How we get to this point of maximum insecurity?

Jealousy has been known to kill relationships.

It has been known to make monsters out of the most well intentioned people. 

I have ended friendships over it.  I have been the victim of abuse over it.  Jealousy has never been a friend or a positive aspect of my life.  

Jealousy is a waste of time and mental energy.

If you are being victimized by jealousy, have those talks with the person.  Help the person understand their triggers and vulnerabilities.  At best. meditate for them (Pray for their healing)

If you are the jealous one, be really honest with yourself.  Stop and think about the whats and whys and then reevaluate, switch gears and move forward.

Don't stop caring, but care about the right things and throw away the misguided thoughts.

Do not bury the negative energy, discard it. Allow safer thoughts and understanding to enter that space.

Sometimes you discover that jealousy was your intuition speaking your truth.  If this case you, often only time allows for that truth to surface.  This becomes about the other person's dishonesty, and in no way is it about you.  

Find the root and take self care seriously. 

It's a process, but worth the time and self healing.