The truth (it does set you free)

Why does the truth matter? Once you have the entire truth, the brain can process it and move on. The miss truth or lies is what sets us back.

Why do people lie?  Mainly out of fear.

Why do we seek the truth? Because it allows our soul freedom and space to heal.

I decided to go back through emails one night out of the blue, written by my ex over the last two years. (See: Emails)  I took note that the date of his last email signed with a 'love you' was a mere one month prior to him asking for a divorce.  This, for me, was revealing.  

Overall, this was a cleansing ritual for me.  I was already doing pretty well emotionally, but something nudged me to check the email timeline.  I was curious and now I knew I was not losing my mind after all.  I followed up by sending my ex an email with a few final words closing the door on that love chapter of my life for good. (this was probably about 6 weeks post divorce)

The point was, once I had proof of why he choose to divorce me, it made it all easier to process.  It wasn't about me or our marriage. 

I had proof via emails that our marriage was doing better and maintaining itself. Did we have some things to work on, absolutely. But from my perspective, we still had love and care at the core. We were engaged and functioning.  I was not the awful wife being projected onto me. 

After taking some time to reflect, I was sure my husband had love and care, but allowed our weakest moments to define our entire marriage.  He made a conscious choice to abruptly end the marriage thinking another person would soothe his wounds. (he will deny this - but the timeline matched) 

When I felt certain this was the truth, I processed it, licked my own wounds, headed to the gym and contemplated a yoga retreat to Bali.  I have always been emotionally stronger than him and I am confident I will come out of this better and happier.

My marriage ended Cold Turkey.  But I will never take any of those years for granted.  It is all relevant, we have two beautiful children and now I was sure I could move on and grow into something new.

What happens to him is unknown.  Maybe this person is a better fit for him from his perspective. Who am I to judge this?  Than all I can wish is happiness for him.  He deserves that and I wish him well. 

If this person causes him sadness, than he will know he made a poor choice, but his hurt will make him stronger. 

In the meantime, the truth has set me free.  My divorce does not define me, it has catapulted me to a new chapter of living my life in a new way.  I have harnessed the pain into a public journal. I will travel. I will spoil my boys with love and I will take time to care for myself and those around me.

photo credit: Sunnie

The truth is very powerful.  Own it and set it free!

(my divorce journey is evolving into something new soon, stay tuned, 
life post divorce is the most fun and enticing)