Finding Peace - after 69 days

I wrote this 69 days after my divorce and decided to use it as this year is winding down.

Sometimes reflection on where we were, allows us to understand how far we have come and where we are at today.

How long until the fear, the anxiety and that pit of loss fade away? 

When does the peace settle in?

Building forts with my five year old, snuggled on the couch with mindless TV, while writing blog material.  This brings me peace.  

My mind is focused and calm.  I feel safe in the moment.  I don't think about the past or the future.  I am present in the now.

I practice yoga.  One of my very best girlfriends is an instructor.  Her voice repeats in my mind over and over.  "Do not let your mind wander to those things that no longer serve you.  Focus on your breathe.  In and out.  This prevents your mind from making up stories." Those stories that bring anxiety and serve no purpose.

This is extremely important in finding peace.  

Breathe and concentrate on your breathe.  It works.  Even for a few moments it will work.

Many things disrupt our peace of mind and invade our intuition.   Our children's constant questions, stresses at work, other people's energy, a break up, a death, a move. 

Sometimes it is a significant life change, other times it is only a temporary disruption.   

I am fortunate that I work in an upstairs office with out anyone else in the neighboring offices. I find solace each and everyday.  I play Pandora and keep my head clear as I go about my day. This is good for my busy mind. I stay centered and focused.

I love my job and am grateful for everyone I work with.  It is a wonderful, positive environment with a good balance of work and personal relationships.  This has been a tremendous support for me.

I had days during my divorce that I laid my head on my desk in despair.  Some days I cried, some days I just felt lost and alone. Pushing through my daily duties was horrific. 

When I took a break and walked downstairs someone always greeted me with a smile or kind word and I felt normal again, even if it was just for a moment.  And I would breathe and be reminded I will get through this.  

One day I went to work and I no longer felt helpless or alone or afraid.  One day, I was back to my safe haven.  Maybe this is part of the journey, (see: Embracing The Pain) my office is when I am alone with my thoughts. My sanctuary transformed, it became my fear factor for all the thoughts and emotions that brought me to tears and gave me the most anxiety.

Once, I processed all of them. I found my center again.  My skies opened up and my joyful heart was still very much alive and present.

As I type this I am 69 days from the day my husband asked for a divorce. My insecurities still sneak up on me.  Especially, first thing in the morning, but they are fewer and far in between.

Peace will come.  

It will take time, but peace does come.  

Allow it into your home and your heart.  Once welcomed, it will never leave.